When Varia Visits Jollibee
by EternalPandemonium
Summary: What's the worst that could happen when Vongola's Elite Independent Assassination Squad visits Jollibee? A one-shot featuring Varia. May only be funny if you're a Filipino or knows/have eaten at Jollibee, or it may not be funny at all.


Well, I this idea has been bugging me for so many nights. I just really needed to get this out of my head. Like I said, you'll definitely relate to this or somehow find this funny (at least I did) when you're a Filipino or somehow knows or have eaten at Jollibee.

I don't own KHR blah blah and blah.

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**When Varia Visits Jollibee**

It was a normal mission for the Varia. All they had to do was to go to Japan and assassinate an Italian, illegal drug mogul, but that certain mogul suddenly fled to Singapore—probably knew his life was being threatened— and so the Varia took the public plane from Japan to Singapore to somehow hide their identity. While on their flight, a pregnant passenger gave birth— Lussuria helped in the delivery— to a healthy young boy who was named Belphegor, as Lussuria suggested. The mother needed hospitalization so the plane had an emergency landing in the Philippines.

The airlines said that the last plane will take long to arrive, so they had to wait for about a day. Lussuria can't wait that long, so he told the Varia that he'll go shopping instead. Bel, Fran and Squalo wanted to rest, while Xanxus said he wanted his wine. Automatically, Levi will join the four for a quest to get his precious boss some wine. And so the Varia decided to check in a five-star hotel that can accommodate all their needs.

They took a taxi for a faster trip, but they got caught in traffic instead. Xanxus became impatient thus he shot the driver in the head, which left them for no one to drive. After several bickering and ushishishis, they hid the body in the trunk and let Squalo do the driving. Even though they had a map, Squalo still managed to lose the Varia.

They crossed bridges, saw some interesting sights, crossed some muddy road and even a shallow stream. Night time fell, and they were still on the road. After several hours of travelling in a highway, the car broke down.

Squalo furiously banged the steering wheel. "VOIIII! What kind of vehicle is this, breaking down in the middle of a highway?!"

"Ushishishi~ Maybe because you're a bad driver, commander."

"Why don't you call the Vongola for help, darling~? It's bad enough that I can't shop for myself," Lussuria whined.

Fran flicked his phone open. "I tried, but I haven't got a signal the entire time we're here."

Xanxus, who sat beside the driver's seat, kicked the door open and got out of the vehicle.

"VOIIIIII! THIS SUCKS!" Squalo also got out of the vehicle and proceeded to find some hope. Eventually, the Varia did the same.

Bel commented as he got out, "There's no use for something broken, anyway."

"Well, everybody knows that the broken can be fixed," Levi replied.

"Levi-san, if you're that smart then why don't you fix it for us?" Fran retorted.

"Why y—"

"Stop it, you two!" Lussuria scolded the two. "We've got important things to take care of!" Then he pointed to Xanxus' direction.

Xanxus was nowhere to being chill that time. His hand had that familiar orange glow in it that everybody feared.

"I'm hungry. Find some food, or else," he said.

"B-Boss! I'll find some for you!" Levi immediately looked around and spotted a gasoline station with an establishment beside it. "There! That store called "Jollibee"!"

"VOOOIIIIII! THEN LET'S GO! HURRY UP OR YOU'LL BE REDUCED TO ASHES!"

When they got to the establishment, there were no customers around. The place looked tolerable enough.

"Ushishishishi~ A place for commoners."

They got themselves a table and waited for someone who would assist them. Second turned to minutes and a minute turned to fifteen. Xanxus was growing impatient and everyone can sense it. "Is there a waiter here?" Lussuria whined, yet again.

Then Bel laughed. Everybody turned to him and he said, "I think we should order there." He pointed to the cashier. "Maybe that's the purpose of the people there, don't you think?"

"So smart of you, fake prince-senpai."

Bel threw several knives at Fran's head," Die, froggy."

Levi announced as he got up, "I'm going to order for the Boss." Suddenly, everyone started to announce their orders to Levi. Levi had no chance to reply since everybody, including Xanxus, told him to hurry up. So he went to the cashier.

The cashier was obviously terrified to him. She called for a backup and so the two of them greeted in a language unknown to him. When he didn't reply, the two cashiers gave each other knowing glances and started to greet in English.

Levi asked for the menu and he was asked to look up. Since doesn't really care for the others, he just picked something special for Xanxus and the same food for the rest. When the order was completed, he carried the tray and proceeded t the group's table.

When the food finally arrived at the table, Levi yelled, "Dig in!"

Bel spat out his food and said, "What is this? This pasta's too sweet!"

Next was Lussuria. Then Squalo.

Only Fran kept eating. "This pasta was rather delicious, senpai," he said.

Bel just sweatdropped but immediately paled when he noticed Xanxus, who was awfully still and quiet.

"Shit!" he shouted, which earned looks from his colleagues. The colors from their faces immediately drained upon seeing where Bel was pointing at.

The scars were reappearing from Xanxus skin and there was that dangerous orange glow on both of his hands again.

In the blink of an eye, the rest of the Varia was out the establishment. But then Lussuria remembered that there were other people in there, too. Taking the remaining time as a chance, Lussuria instructed all the people inside the establishment to get out, and they made it in just a nick of time.

The establishment exploded and was engulfed in beautiful fiery, orange flames.

"VOOOOIIII! Levi, what did you do?! What did you make him eat?!" Squalo frantically waved his sword around.

Levi was still in shock. "S-Since Boss likes steak, I ordered him a Burger Steak."

"BURGER Steak?"

"Yes. Burger Steak."

Everyone fell silent and looked at the burning establishment instead.

"The sky is so pretty tonight," Fran said.

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I'm a Filipino, too, so if you ever find this offensive then I'm sorry. This is just for a good laugh and I hope you understand.

Sorry if this didn't make you laugh. I tried hard, really. And sorry for the crazy story, too.

Feel free to review! :))))))))))))))


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